about my journey towards domestic adoption and other musings

New Memory Verse

I’m still plugging along with my memory verses.  Here’s what I’m working on for the next two weeks:

Psalm 34:1-3 (NLT)

I will praise the Lord at all times.  I will constantly speak His praises.  I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart.  Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together.

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Living Proof Live

Last weekend (April 1 & 2) I was able to attend Living Proof Live and hear Beth Moore speak. What a great experience! I was definitely praying for and anticipating hearing a word from God. Well, He didn’t disappoint! I felt like the whole weekend was God speaking straight to my heart. As soon as Beth announced the theme for the weekend, I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. The main topic was on waiting and what to do while you’re in a season of waiting. Hello! I’m telling you, right at me. I’ve had a few days now to think about and process some of what I heard.

Here are some highlights from my notes:

The main passage that Beth taught from was James 5:7-11.

Eight while we Wait

  1. Embrace the word you love to hate – patience (& perseverance)

    God has not moved on without me. It’s a long obedience in the same direction. Do the next thing. God is into process.

    It may be bearing up with people or bearing up with circumstances. If we’ve asked for deliverance and we are still in it, there’s something that this season is meant to sow.

  2. See the sacred in the simple while you wait

    “The whole earth is full of His glory” Isaiah 6:3

  3. Go look for your heart where it got lost.

    Deuteronomy 11:13-14; Hosea 6:3. Waiting is not my punishment. Get my heart back in it and find my center in God.

  4. Watch for relationships a long wait can cost.

    Deliberately and graciously turn to God while you wait or we will turn on each other.

    With delay we can become mockers, scoffers and cynical.

    James 5:9 ~ “grumble” is unexpressed feelings of bitterness, groaning or sighing, not an honest complaint. God hears our groaning and we can take it to Him rather than taking it out on someone else.

  5. Pray, believing that your rain is near.

    I Kings 18:41-46. It’s easy to give up on prayer when you are not seeing answers, or the answer is a long time in coming. Continue to pray with earnestness, don’t give up, and persevere! Find Scripture to pray over your situation if you don’t have the words.

  6. Study the lives of those who persevered.

    Although Beth didn’t reference it, this made me think of Hebrews 11.

  7. Trust that God will cause your eyes to see.

    James 5:11 compared to Job 42:1-5 “heard….and have seen what the Lord finally brought about”

  8. All that He’s been, your God will always be.

    Job 19:25-27

That’s it in a nutshell. I’m still meditating on these things and trusting God to continue to speak to me. It was so helpful for me and just what I needed to hear during this time of waiting.

Our God is faithful! He’ll never leave us or forsake us. He sees what we are going through. He cares about us and loves us more than we can ever imagine. As we wait on Him, our strength will rise and we will soar on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31)

Letting go

It’s not easy, and I find it’s a daily, and sometimes moment by moment, letting go. When I hear that someone else is having a baby, or someone else is adopting or someone else has been chosen by a birthmom, jealousy and sadness comes that, once again, it’s not me. When does it get to be my turn? I acknowledge these feelings and cry to God and then I have to let it go, and remember Him. I realize, once again, that the focus needs to get off of me, and off of other’s situations and on to God. David Crowder Band has a song, called “Only You” that has spoken to me time and time again.

“Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you who’s crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything”

Click here to buy the song, and hear a sample.

It’s a powerful reminder to take it all to God in worship and allow Him to “be my everything.”

In my previous blog post I talked about some of the things you can do while you wait for baby. Since I’m not working right now, I definitely find it helpful to have a project or two on the go. We’ve lived in our place now for over 3 years (I think that’s a record for us!) and I’ve been feeling the urge to clean out all our closets and go through the boxes we’ve had in storage some of which we haven’t even opened in 3 years! I’ve been finding lots of stuff I forgot I had and getting rid of stuff I no longer want or need. All of this will of course make room for the new stuff we will accumulate once we have kids. I still have a lot to do, mostly because I work at it pretty slowly, but I guess that’s good since it will keep me busy for a while. I also love to sew, but since my table is full of stuff right now, I don’t have the space to work. I’m looking forward to making a few things once this organization project is done.

Thoughts on waiting

Waiting…there is a lot of advice out there as to what you should do while you’re waiting to be matched with a birthmom, and it’s really good advice. For example: prepare the baby’s room, or start to purchase baby items; talk/meet with other adoptive families, or join an adoption support group; read books to prepare for parenting and adoption; spend time together as a couple before the baby comes (since you won’t have much time after); journal or blog your thoughts and emotions; and the list goes on (click here for a good set of resources to help with the wait).

In some form or another I’ve done most of these things during our wait time, but honestly, sometimes none of that cuts it and it’s just hard. It’s hard to be patient and wait for something that is so unknown and out of your control. The last couple weeks have been a real struggle for me and I’ve been feeling really discouraged with the long wait. I had a small bit of excitement when I purchased a baby stroller that I really wanted for a great deal from Craigslist, but that didn’t last too long. I really want to wait “well” and not spend all my time and energy complaining and focusing on what I don’t have. I want to “do everything without complaining or arguing,” including this wait. Beth Moore was talking about waiting during a video session of her Bible Study on Esther. She said that when we wait on the event, our strength will be depleted, but when we wait on the Lord, our strength is renewed (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV). I think it’s a lot about letting go of the circumstances and trusting God. He’s in control, and He’s good. I have to make the choice to believe it.

Memory Verses

I’ve memorized Scripture in the past and stopped doing it after some time.  I recognize the value in it as it focuses my mind on God and His truth and was encouraged to start it up again when I saw this post on Beth Moore’s blog.  So, I’ve joined the 2011 Siesta Scripture Memory Team.  We memorize 2 verses a month, with a new verse on the 1st and 15th of each month.  We choose verses that are relevant and personal to us.   We’re now on our 3rd verse this year.  Here are the first two (from memory).

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you.  He will be with you.  He will neither fail you, nor abandon you.  Deuteronomy 31:8, NLT

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation.  My fortress where I will not be shaken.  Psalm 62:5-6, NLT

And my new set of verses for the next two weeks:

My victory and honor come from God alone.  He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.  O my people, trust in Him at all times.  Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.  Psalm 62:7-8, NLT

We’re officially waiting

Although we’ve been waiting for a long, long time (it’s been 6 ½ years since we started trying to have kids and 2 years since we started the adoption process) we are now officially a waiting family with Bethany Christian Services, our adoption agency. We were approved for domestic infant adoption December 16th. It took us longer than I had hoped since we had to wait a while for our background check from Washington State, but that finally came through! Now our profile can be shown to potential birthmoms. The timeframe is totally out of our hands now…we wait to be “picked”. It’s harder than I thought, before this I had paperwork to fill out, or fingerprints to get done, or a social worker visit. Now, we just wait.