I’m still plugging along with my memory verses. Here’s what I’m working on for the next two weeks:
Psalm 34:1-3 (NLT)
I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt His name together.
Last weekend (April 1 & 2) I was able to attend Living Proof Live and hear Beth Moore speak. What a great experience! I was definitely praying for and anticipating hearing a word from God. Well, He didn’t disappoint! I felt like the whole weekend was God speaking straight to my heart. As soon as Beth announced the theme for the weekend, I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. The main topic was on waiting and what to do while you’re in a season of waiting. Hello! I’m telling you, right at me. I’ve had a few days now to think about and process some of what I heard.
Here are some highlights from my notes:
The main passage that Beth taught from was James 5:7-11.
Eight while we Wait
God has not moved on without me. It’s a long obedience in the same direction. Do the next thing. God is into process.
It may be bearing up with people or bearing up with circumstances. If we’ve asked for deliverance and we are still in it, there’s something that this season is meant to sow.
“The whole earth is full of His glory” Isaiah 6:3
Deuteronomy 11:13-14; Hosea 6:3. Waiting is not my punishment. Get my heart back in it and find my center in God.
Deliberately and graciously turn to God while you wait or we will turn on each other.
With delay we can become mockers, scoffers and cynical.
James 5:9 ~ “grumble” is unexpressed feelings of bitterness, groaning or sighing, not an honest complaint. God hears our groaning and we can take it to Him rather than taking it out on someone else.
I Kings 18:41-46. It’s easy to give up on prayer when you are not seeing answers, or the answer is a long time in coming. Continue to pray with earnestness, don’t give up, and persevere! Find Scripture to pray over your situation if you don’t have the words.
Although Beth didn’t reference it, this made me think of Hebrews 11.
James 5:11 compared to Job 42:1-5 “heard….and have seen what the Lord finally brought about”
That’s it in a nutshell. I’m still meditating on these things and trusting God to continue to speak to me. It was so helpful for me and just what I needed to hear during this time of waiting.
Our God is faithful! He’ll never leave us or forsake us. He sees what we are going through. He cares about us and loves us more than we can ever imagine. As we wait on Him, our strength will rise and we will soar on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31)
It’s not easy, and I find it’s a daily, and sometimes moment by moment, letting go. When I hear that someone else is having a baby, or someone else is adopting or someone else has been chosen by a birthmom, jealousy and sadness comes that, once again, it’s not me. When does it get to be my turn? I acknowledge these feelings and cry to God and then I have to let it go, and remember Him. I realize, once again, that the focus needs to get off of me, and off of other’s situations and on to God. David Crowder Band has a song, called “Only You” that has spoken to me time and time again.
“Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you who’s crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord
Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything”
Click here to buy the song, and hear a sample.
It’s a powerful reminder to take it all to God in worship and allow Him to “be my everything.”
In my previous blog post I talked about some of the things you can do while you wait for baby. Since I’m not working right now, I definitely find it helpful to have a project or two on the go. We’ve lived in our place now for over 3 years (I think that’s a record for us!) and I’ve been feeling the urge to clean out all our closets and go through the boxes we’ve had in storage some of which we haven’t even opened in 3 years! I’ve been finding lots of stuff I forgot I had and getting rid of stuff I no longer want or need. All of this will of course make room for the new stuff we will accumulate once we have kids. I still have a lot to do, mostly because I work at it pretty slowly, but I guess that’s good since it will keep me busy for a while. I also love to sew, but since my table is full of stuff right now, I don’t have the space to work. I’m looking forward to making a few things once this organization project is done.
Waiting…there is a lot of advice out there as to what you should do while you’re waiting to be matched with a birthmom, and it’s really good advice. For example: prepare the baby’s room, or start to purchase baby items; talk/meet with other adoptive families, or join an adoption support group; read books to prepare for parenting and adoption; spend time together as a couple before the baby comes (since you won’t have much time after); journal or blog your thoughts and emotions; and the list goes on (click here for a good set of resources to help with the wait).
In some form or another I’ve done most of these things during our wait time, but honestly, sometimes none of that cuts it and it’s just hard. It’s hard to be patient and wait for something that is so unknown and out of your control. The last couple weeks have been a real struggle for me and I’ve been feeling really discouraged with the long wait. I had a small bit of excitement when I purchased a baby stroller that I really wanted for a great deal from Craigslist, but that didn’t last too long. I really want to wait “well” and not spend all my time and energy complaining and focusing on what I don’t have. I want to “do everything without complaining or arguing,” including this wait. Beth Moore was talking about waiting during a video session of her Bible Study on Esther. She said that when we wait on the event, our strength will be depleted, but when we wait on the Lord, our strength is renewed (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV). I think it’s a lot about letting go of the circumstances and trusting God. He’s in control, and He’s good. I have to make the choice to believe it.
I’ve memorized Scripture in the past and stopped doing it after some time. I recognize the value in it as it focuses my mind on God and His truth and was encouraged to start it up again when I saw this post on Beth Moore’s blog. So, I’ve joined the 2011 Siesta Scripture Memory Team. We memorize 2 verses a month, with a new verse on the 1st and 15th of each month. We choose verses that are relevant and personal to us. We’re now on our 3rd verse this year. Here are the first two (from memory).
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neither fail you, nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:8, NLT
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. My fortress where I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:5-6, NLT
And my new set of verses for the next two weeks:
My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:7-8, NLT
Although we’ve been waiting for a long, long time (it’s been 6 ½ years since we started trying to have kids and 2 years since we started the adoption process) we are now officially a waiting family with Bethany Christian Services, our adoption agency. We were approved for domestic infant adoption December 16th. It took us longer than I had hoped since we had to wait a while for our background check from Washington State, but that finally came through! Now our profile can be shown to potential birthmoms. The timeframe is totally out of our hands now…we wait to be “picked”. It’s harder than I thought, before this I had paperwork to fill out, or fingerprints to get done, or a social worker visit. Now, we just wait.
Well, it seems that I’m an inconsistent blogger, which doesn’t surprise me. I’m that way with journaling too. So, I’ll stop apologizing for the length of time it’s been since I wrote my last blog post and write when I feel like it (or when I remember that I have a blog) and be ok with that. I’m not going to be the kind of person who will write every day, or even every month, apparently. I was looking at my stats and was surprised that people are finding and reading my blog…not many, mind you, but a few and I hope that it has been an encouragement to them. That was my goal in starting the blog, to encourage other women who are going through miscarriage, infertility or who are in the process of adopting. To let them know that they are not alone. I’ll update on what’s happening in our lives in a separate post…that way I can have 2 in one day!
Wow! It’s been a really long time since I’ve been on here. I guess you could say I was hibernating for the winter months.
At the end of 2009, we began re-evaluating our adoption plans. Given the length of time it was taking to adopt through our adoption attorney, we wanted to pursue other options. I spent some time doing research and we contacted two places, in January. They seemed to be good options on the surface, but the more we investigated and asked questions we realized they were not the right fit for us. We decided to look extensively at many options and I was back on the computer researching agencies, attorneys, and facilitators (there are pretty significant differences between the three options). The whole process was quite overwhelming for me. I found it very difficult to look at options objectively. I worked very slowly on it all the while feeling like I was wasting time that could be spent towards the process with a particular organization. But, I also wanted to find the right fit for us and know what we were getting into before we signed up. Once I had gathered basic information on about 6 places, Isaac and I talked through our thoughts on each one and we easily narrowed it down to one. Since I had been doing the research and had all the information, I knew, before we talked which one I was most comfortable working with. All told, the research process took about 3 months, this doesn’t include all the research I had done on international adoption and the research I did when we signed up with the adoption attorney over a year ago.
It was really tempting for me to only consider the options that were seemingly “fast”, but I am letting that go for a place that fits our needs. The time frame of adoption is so hard to predict. Sometimes it happens quickly and sometimes it takes a long time. In most cases for domestic adoption, the average wait time to be matched with a birthmom is one year. We’ll be working with Bethany Christian Services, which is a full service agency. They take care of everything, start to finish. We could have also worked with a referral agency, or facilitator, where we pay a fee for advertising and matching and then complete the legal side of things with an attorney or agency. It can be a little quicker to go that route as they will start looking for matches before you complete the required home study. In our case, we will have to complete the home study (which can take 3-6 months) before we can be matched with a birthmom. In all cases, the birthmom chooses us, by looking at profiles that fit what she (and we) are looking for.
So now that we have chosen to work with Bethany, we have two information meetings to attend this month, then we will be given our formal application. Once we complete that, we can start our “Family Assessment” which is also known as the home study.
We’ve been on this journey now for nearly 6 years. It’s really hard to believe it’s been that long and it some ways it feels like it will never end. So many times it feels like we’ve been so close to reaching our dream of having children. I’m excited about pursuing adoption, and to be on to the next phase of our journey. It hasn’t gone at all like I expected it would, but I’ll continue to trust in God and I can’t wait to bring the baby, that God has chosen for us, into our home. In the meanwhile, I’ll pray for the birthmom we will be matched with, for our baby, and work diligently through the steps of the adoption process.
A few new things I’ve discovered as we’ve changed our eating habits (click on the names to get more details).
1. Mary’s Gone Crackers ~ really yummy, gluten free, crackers. Tastes great with hummus.
2. Seeds of Change – Indian Simmer Sauces ~ ok, really yum. Just tried the Jalfrezi one tonight, with chicken and spinach. super good and I didn’t find it too spicy at all. I’ll try the Madras one next.
3. Rice and Bean Chips with Adzuki Beans ~ great alternative for tortilla chips, but very addictive 🙂
This next one is not so new, but one of my favorite go-to soup recipes. SOOO good.
4. Smoky Sweet Potato Chicken Stoup ~click on the name to go to the recipe.
Enjoy!
Write from the Heart 